I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
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Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
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All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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