Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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