Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i believe in u and ur pee
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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