I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
