The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
