i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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