I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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