Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
