So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
