it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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