I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
