I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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