I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
