Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
