The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
