so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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