god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
