"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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