Pappa wants mamma naked
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just invented taco cereal.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
