I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Randomize
