ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
