"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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