I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
