hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
