my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
