Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
