Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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