You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
