I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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