I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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