I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
