Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
