Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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