i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
