I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Come see our sink grown plant.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
