I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
