Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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