the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
