his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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