So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
