i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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