Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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