ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
