It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize