it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
