im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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