Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
