I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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