I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
