i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
