She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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