I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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