mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
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last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
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Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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