We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
