Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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