The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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