The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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