yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
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Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
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How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.