Writing my paper on freud at bar
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...