I puked a lego.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
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That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
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And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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