I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
