This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
