what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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