Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I currently don't understand fingers.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
