I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
