the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Randomize
