Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
