I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
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josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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