i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
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