Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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