dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
