A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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