this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
