glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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