2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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