I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
