Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
