Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
