New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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