I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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