So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she peed on how many people?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize