Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
