whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
